Ayyoob 10

mujhay apnee jaan say ghin aatee hai

¹mujhay apnee jaan say ghin aatee hai. main aazaadee say aah-o-zaaree karoonga, khulay taur par apna dilee gham bayaan karoonga. ²main allaah say kahoonga ki mujhay mujrim na thahera balki bata ki tera mujh par kya ilzaam hai. ³kya too zulm karkay mujhay radd karnay men khushee mahsoos karta hai haalaanki teray apnay hee haathon nay mujhay banaaya? saath saath too bedeenon kay mansoobon par apnee manzooree ka noor chamkaata hai. kya yah tujhay achchha lagta hai? ⁴kya teree aankhen insaanee hain? kya too sirf insaan kee see nazar say dekhta hai? ⁵kya teray din aur saal faanee insaan jaisay mahdood hain? hargiz naheen! ⁶to phir kya zaroorat hai ki too meray qusoor kee talaash aur meray gunaah kee tahqeeq karta rahay? ⁷too to jaanta hai ki main bequsoor hoon aur ki teray haath say koee bacha naheen sakta.

⁸teray apnay haathon nay mujhay tashkeel day kar banaaya. aur ab too nay mud kar mujhay tabaah kar diya hai. ⁹zara is ka khayaal rakh ki too nay mujhay mittee say banaaya. ab too mujhay dubaara khaak men tabdeel kar raha hai. ¹⁰too nay khud mujhay doodh kee tarah undel kar paneer kee tarah jamnay diya. ¹¹too hee nay mujhay jild aur gosht-post say mulabbas kiya, haddiyon aur nason say tayyaar kiya. ¹²too hee nay mujhay zindagee aur apnee meharbaanee say navaaza, aur teree dekh-bhaal nay meree rooh ko mahfooz rakha.

¹³lekin ek baat too nay apnay dil men chhupaaay rakhee, haan mujhay tera iraada maaloom ho gaya hai. ¹⁴vah yah hai ki ‘agar ayyoob gunaah karay to main us kee paheraadaaree karoonga. main usay us kay qusoor say baree naheen karoonga.’

¹⁵agar main qusoorvaar hoon to mujh par afsos! aur agar main begunaah bhee hoon taaham main apna sar uthaanay kee jur’at naheen karta, kyoonki main sharm kha kha kar ser ho gaya hoon. mujhay khoob museebat pilaaee gaee hai. ¹⁶aur agar main khada bhee ho jaaoon to too sherbabar kee tarah mera shikaar karta aur mujh par dubaara apnee mojizaana qudrat ka izhaar karta hai. ¹⁷too meray khilaaf naay gavaahon ko khada karta aur mujh par apnay ghazab men izaafa karta hai, teray lashkar saf-dar-saf mujh par hamla kartay hain. ¹⁸too mujhay meree maan kay pet say kyoon nikaal laaya? behatar hota ki main usee vaqt mar jaata aur kisee ko nazar na aata. ¹⁹yoon hota jaisa main kabhee zinda hee na tha, mujhay seedha maan kay pet say qabr men pahunchaaya jaata. ²⁰kya meray din thoday naheen hain? mujhay tanha chhod! mujh say apna munh pher lay taaki main chand ek lamhon kay liyay khush ho sakoon, ²¹kyoonki jald hee mujhay kooch karkay vahaan jaana hai jahaan say koee vaapas naheen aata, us mulk men jis men taareekee aur ghanay saay rahetay hain. ²²vah mulk andhera hee andhera aur kaala hee kaala hai, us men ghanay saay aur betarteebee hai. vahaan raushnee bhee andhera hee hai.”